We all make mistakes! Conflict happens in every relationship at some point and in some way. It is normal. It is the willingness to be honest about our feelings and to hear their feelings, that can take a conflict and use it to actually strengthen the connection. When you know the other person will tell you if they are upset and will apologize if you are upset, you trust the relationship. You know you can weather challenges and you both value the connection enough to fix it.
Being able to truly apologize can be a healing balm over a wound. It takes strength and courage. Be proud of this skill.
How to give a true genuine apology: Look them in the eye, say their name, speak calmly and kindly, stay focused on them, be specific about your transgression. Remember to give no excuses or reasons why you did it because that dilutes your taking responsibility. Say you will not do it again and then DON’T DO IT AGAIN! If you keep making the same mistake, even a perfect apology will not build trust because they will stop believing you.
For example: “Sally, I am sorry that I made fun of you. I should not have done that and won’t do it again.” Keep is simple and concise. Then give them a chance to respond if they want to and do not have expectations of forgiveness.
We owe ourselves apologies, too. Look yourself in the eye in a mirror. “Sabina, I am sorry I let you down by abandoning your wishes and speaking harshly to you.” It can be powerful to look into your own eyes and say you are sorry and say “I love you”. Try it sometime. You deserve it.